I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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