What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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