You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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