Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
A+ Viking dick
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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