I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
