Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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