I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
