I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
