So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
