I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
