Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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