Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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