i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
