Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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