Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
