Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
