yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
