im six kinds of drunk right now
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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