at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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