Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
