jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
