god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
