either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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