is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
