my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
