i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
