i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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