if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
