the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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