Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
no, he came in my armpit
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
