Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
