Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
