I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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