Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
