I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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