Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
