I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
