just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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