if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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