can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
