we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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