I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
