We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think my moral compass just broke
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
