Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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