Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
