I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
