Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
