Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
