So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
