I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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